Alex, Alex, Alex, I was so preparing to give up on this friendship. When you told me that you didn't want to meet me up for dinner, it was a big blow to me. It like telling me you don't even want to be friends with me. and after all these while you say you want to noe me better? It makes you sound hypocritical. Cus to be honest, I tot dinner with you is just get to know each other better, our beliefs, values, personalities, past. And maybe, if there is certain issues that we need to bring up, we can do it in your car. I am not stupid. "Something cropped up", like what? Y didn't you provide me with any details? It was then when i know you was lying to me.

I was angry. When you called, I was very apprehensive to pick up your call. I scared that my worst fear is confirmed that you didn't even want to be friends with me and I am scared that I wil lose it. But in hindsight, I glad I picked up your call.

Firstly, I am glad that you are honest with me. And that you never make any excuses about it. It adds credibility to your character.

(TO BE CONTINUED)
This is giving me a headache.

It's a gloomy sunday afternoon and i am rotting to death without you.
Really?
Yes.
I don't care. I love it. I love it. I don't care. I love it. I love it. I don't care. I love it
I LOVE IT.

Sidenote: Funny how sometimes, carely rae jepsen songs that lacks depth actually holds alot of truth and heart... 

BACK TO BLOGGING. 

Hahaha, writing to A make me realise how I missed writing.

6 months of wasted opportunities to write
6 months of memories, soon to be forgotten.
6 months of growth, that is not charted
6 months of pain, happiness, sorrow, joy

So in chronological order what happened in the 6 months

Meeting L
Being kissed for the first time
Enlisted in the army
Getting back my a level result
POP
Meeting A

6 amazing thing happens within the span of 6 amazing month. Things are just going to get better.

Dear A

Wow, these few days have been one of the best few days of my time. With good food and good company, what more can a boy ask for? It had been long since i felt so relaxed and contented. More than often, I find myself sad, knowing that the day have to come to an end and once again, we have to part.


Yes, you are my type. Mature, with marshmallow shoulders. But that alone, is really not enough to get my heart beating. It is your aura that got my heart beating faster. The way you sleep in the movies. The way you ask me to f*** you. The way to smell. The way you smile. Small little things that you did really is very endearing to me.


However, I know you don't feel the same way I feel for you. Looking into your eyes, all you see me a flirtatious, horny, young, loud boy. A friend, sure, why not but as a lover?...meh. I know, if we were to get together, you will be settling for second best, and I don't want you to settle for second best. I want you to be together with someone you can really finally be comfortable with letting your guard down and that you can stop putting up a front. Maybe only time will tell?


Another issue is how we just know each other resulting in how we don't know each other really well. We just touched on the superficial issues but yet, we have been dodging the tougher issues. You haven't been very forthcoming with you past and likewise, I haven't as well with my life. Can we overcome our insercurities and let each other see our more vulnerable side? I don't know.


Futhermore, here is the thing. I not very sure exactly where you stand in my heart. Despite all these issue, a part of me what to take things to the next level, to hug you, to hold your hands, to kiss you. But at the same time, I am scared that i may fall for you even futher and I might get hurt in the process. I am also scared that deep down, I might just using you to get over others, using you as a rebound and if that's the case, it would be very unfair to you. And the truth is, I am also not sure where do i stand in your heart? Do I even have a standing in your heart as of now.


How would things turn out between us? I don't know. Let just keep an open mind, hang out more, get to know each other better and go with the flow. Shall we?


Darrick.
P.S I am so sorry. I never thought you were D.....I just thought you are joking all these while. I will be more cautious when i am with you.

P.S.S I am not offended. Haha, offended about what? It is what is is. Haha, in fact i rather you be straight talking than beat around the bush.